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To Maintain Your Insanity
TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY :
1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE !
3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.
4. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
5. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL OF YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SEX".
6. SKIP DOWN THE HALL RATHER THAN WALK AND SEE HOW MANY LOOKS YOU GET.
7. ORDER A DIET WATER WHENEVER YOU GO OUT TO EAT, WITH A SERIOUS FACE.
8. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS TO GO !!!
9. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
10. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HEADACHE.
11. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT AT THE 'ATM', SCREAM "I WON ! I WON !".
12. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING :RUN FOR YOUR LIVES ! THEY'RE LOOSE !".
13. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO !".
AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY :
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK "WHERE IS THE FITTING ROOM?".
1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE !
3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.
4. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
5. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL OF YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SEX".
6. SKIP DOWN THE HALL RATHER THAN WALK AND SEE HOW MANY LOOKS YOU GET.
7. ORDER A DIET WATER WHENEVER YOU GO OUT TO EAT, WITH A SERIOUS FACE.
8. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS TO GO !!!
9. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
10. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HEADACHE.
11. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT AT THE 'ATM', SCREAM "I WON ! I WON !".
12. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING :RUN FOR YOUR LIVES ! THEY'RE LOOSE !".
13. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO !".
AND THE FINAL WAY TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY :
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK "WHERE IS THE FITTING ROOM?".
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