JUST LIKE ME

[CRISTA VANNATTER]

Anyone that has ever entered into my life has always meant something to me one way or another... I have always tried to seek approval in more ways then one..
As a child its hard to feel like you pour all your heart and dedication in making your parent or (step parent in my case) happy and it seems never so.
You feel like a left over in your own home because your the odd one there... I feel that I dedicated my time and effort to be a good daughter and it was never enough...
As time grew and I got older I made mistakes of things that I am definitly not proud of.. But I did lean from my mistakes and not always was it good intentions...
I got out on my own since I was sixteen, tried to make it in the world of judgmental people no matter who it was... always thought they knew me best or knew what was best for me...
I know now what I didn't know then that I am the only one who can no what's best for me...
I ende up be a statictic in the society where having a baby as a teen was wrong in the eyes of the world..
In my eyes it was sole dedication at that time that I was determined to give life to a someone that would be all mine.. At eighteen... I felt that I was doing the right thing...
I did it alone.. no regrets ever... tough I will admit but at the time I knew it was right for me and I was dedicated to keeping my son..
Now being almost 15yrs old....geesh its amazing for what he has seen me go thru good and bad that he is still dedicated to protect me as his mom...
Looking back now I had a lot of growing up to do. and I can honestly say that I am proud of some of the accomlishments that I have come up since then..
I am a Mother of a 14yr old, 11yr old,10 yr old children...
A marriage that I thought would never last with my bad history of ***approval*** with Guys..
Let me tell you for anyone who knows exactly what I mean... Its not worth making that dedication in life .
Now marriage is not for everyone and I know some of my friend will never get married and thats okay that is what they chose..
I wanted that dedication in my life to be for me and my son at that time... and I think that at first the doubts came thru my head. but only because "people in my life that said they cared were only thinking that I would breakdown and give up"
Now I due admit the crazy times insane feelings I have sometimes are only little set backs,"and in my opinion if your not honest with yourself and your family, the set backs can only get bigger" I know from experience.
I have dedicated myself in to always coming out on top when I let myself down "which most of the time" but , having people who care about me is all I wanted...
"Do you know so many people in the world like myself never think that maybe the people that are right there in front of your face... "
So long I have dedicated my whole life trying to impress my friends, kids, co-workers... Just be on top and being that one that everyone can relate too, that I forget who is important..
I try hard to make everyone happy, it makes for a stressfull life, and tears are always there.. but the pieces are always picked up either by myself or of course the dediciation of the Man I married..
How much more my husband can deal with me and my fall outs sometimes, I not sure how much more he can stand of me...
I see that sometimes I just can be satisfied with what I got... always wanting more.. and my mind becomes unsure but I can see the end of the light when I become honset with the husband..
Being dedicated to life and the big world we live in definitly not easy... anyone says that it is... "is lying to themselves"
So being dedicated, what does it mean... its was 15yrs ago I learned the word dedicated and the times and struggles will always be a factor in my life.. Its what i do with it that makes the difference.. So for anyone like me or if you know someone who wants to give up (cause lord knows I do all the time..) but each day seems to be easier.
Find something in your life that you know you have to be dedicated to to keep life stong...

THIS SONG IS A GREAT SONG FOR ME WHO CAME TO ME ALMOST 15 YRS AGO..

I saw a man today who said he'd talked to you
Not so long ago I think a month or two
As my mind goes back in time I pray
Oh lord don't let it show
He thinks I forgot you fifteen years ago

Fifteen years ago and I still feel the same
Why did he have to mention your name
I'm as broken up inside as if it's been a week ago
It takes a mighty long time
To get a real love off your mind
I know I've tried since fifteen years ago

I've got a lovely wife who thinks the world of me
Promised her my love through all eternity
I've tried hard to make her happy
But so far she doesn't know
I can't shake this thing frome fifteen years ago

Fifteen years ago and I still feel the same
Why did he have to mention your name
I'm as broken up inside as if it's been a week ago
It takes a mighty strong love
To keep a man thinking of a girl
He hasn't seen since fifteen years ago

It takes a mighty long time
To get a real love off your mind
I know I've tried since fifteen years ago


My thoughts that I thought i could share with friends and family like me. crista Mar 26,2009

[Steven Jackson]

We learn from all the lessons life has for us.
I think mistakes are important in order to learn from them, we all make mistakes it's how we deal with them that's important.
Being a parent is a gift, makes you realize you are not the centre of the Universe when someone depends on you.
Take each day as it comes because each day is a gift also.

[Jodi Ann]

Big Hugs Crista!